koff kofff.. berhabuk gileeeeeeeee.. aaaaaaa :'(
hihi.. its like writing in a diary.. whenever i need you.. you're still here with me. nasib baik password ingat. pheww *lap2 peluh sikit.
ini akan menjadi satu buku novel yang sangt panjang..
wahai blog usang,
i really need to talk to someone but there is just no one to listen to me and i dont want to call people and ask ' hey, what are you doing, do you have time for me?' and akan krikk krikk sangt
i dont know.. i just dont like to share sad stories with people but at the same time i really need someone here with me. and i dont think they want to listen to me anyway -.-
humm.. cik saka dah tidur..
i cant believe i just cried. husna cried. silently at night. pretending to be asleep so that cik saka tak dengar. if dengar, then she started to korek everything from me. no! that will not do.
humm.. why am i sad?
sigh. firstly i feel like im not belonged here. yeah. everyone has that feeling. who cares?! its my story! >.<
i believe that i spending too much time in college. but, i dont have much friends here. here, i have cik saka, i have uyeena, and i have emma. these three girls are my truly really friends here. the rest are just friends. i also have guy friends.. i have halusinasi people. i think.. these people are the only people that knows me well, understands me well, and just accept me the way i am. i dont really have that much of girlfriend, bcoz i just dont know how to make friends. seriously. some may say im cheerful and friendly.. but that only last for few hours. bcoz that was me pretending. i hate pretending. that is why i forget people's name and faces easily. kalau aku tak rase attach tu tak laa.. i wont force myself just to have friends. and sigh.. that's the reason im always alone.. huhuhu.. and as well as cik saka. cik saka pon slalu lonely. but she's better than me.. she can jokes.. and i can do 'kriikk krikk' moment. yeah. nak cakap aku pilih bulu kah? yeah.. i do choose. aku xreti sangatlah nak baik sangat sebab aku tak. it just that nak jumpe kawan yang betol boleh masok tu susah. sometimes aku rase.. ya Allah baiknye die ni.. it just.. ughhh.. tak masok. im not that bad.. it just that im not that nice either.
and now look at me. friendless. ade projek kat kolej kene stay tapi takde kawan nak cakap borak. its sad. seriously.i dont even know kat bawah tadi ramai gile orang dok lepak sesame after keje.. gelak ketawa.. and here.. its just me and cik saka. cik saka xkesah sebab hobi dia tidur. sigh. but i do. rase macam diketepikan gile hell weyh. macam kau tak wujud je. husna, you're not important in our life. kau yang sombong sangat kan? btw, aku rabun.. and tak ingat orang tu its a penyakit.. dats why aku tak tego orang sebb aku takut salah name kang kecik hati pulak.. spek takpakai salah orang pulak.. or maybe that person doesnt want to talk to me. yeah.
secondly.. im loud. technically im verrrryy loud when it comes to what i want and what i deserve and my rights. because, its just my nature. if i think its wrong. i say it. i have the right to do so coz im a part of it. yes im really am a pest. i am. tak dinafikan ramai kakak kakak bedah kuat mengumpat duduk dalam bulatan gembira dok megumpat.. and cakap tak puas hati and so on and on and on... no i dont want to be like that. besides im not invited to be in the same circle anyway.. but.. pomm!!! kene perli brape banyak kali dalam meeting.. ugghhh.. that feels so nice. seriously. i mean it. so.. aku rase cam orang annoyed dengan aku. hihi.. aku faham jugakla kenape, cik saka pon rasa macam tu.. sebb die friendly yang tahap melampau ketawa macam dunia ni die yang punye. when she's happy.. she happy. x fake. thhats who she is. awat lu?? xpuas hati ke ngan rumet gua??!! *pfffhhtttt :D
and lastly..
i think im really bad with relationship..
i really am. when im angry, ii wont talk.. i'll go somewhere alone doing stupid stuff or be too happy for no reason and singing by myself. yeah.
now, i really need fazil. he's the only one who'll listen to my stories.. sing to me when i ask him to.. even bile aku call.. die dengan family die... haha.. sumpah lawak!! sori fazil slalu buat kau malu.. i miss you bro!! bile nak makan yogurt ni??!! >.<
note to self. contact him!
